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Are You a People Pleaser?

Updated: Aug 23, 2023

Two friends smiling looking at phone

Do you hold back the truth in order to “make” someone happy?

People pleasing can look like saying yes when it’s best for you to say no, overextending yourself to accomplish something for someone else, or double-booking yourself because you’re over committed.

If any of this rings true for you, why do you people please? What’s the motivation behind it?

Does Saying "No" Make You Selfish?

Maybe you’re afraid to say no to people you want to think well of you. Maybe you hate confrontation. Maybe you think your own needs aren’t as important as other people’s. Or maybe you don’t want to be an inconvenience or disappointment.

When you’re routinely a people pleaser, how does that make you feel?

In these situations, do you find yourself uncomfortable, irritated, maybe even resentful for complying with their requests while denying your own needs and desires?

I want you to consider this: you matter.

Your time, energy, desires, needs, etc. are just as valuable as your child’s, spouse’s, friend’s, coworker’s, sibling’s, and parent’s needs are.

Here’s another thing I want you to consider: Saying no doesn’t make you mean or selfish.

People pleasing requires you to wear a mask. It forces you to hide your own needs and wants and pretend like everything is when. In reality, you’re not fine.

People pleasing and constantly wearing a mask for the sake of others’ leads to burnout, exhaustion, and living inauthentically.

It can all feel fake after a while.

Be Authentic in Your Relationships

Honesty and speaking truth are key to having authentic relationships.

It’s ok to tell people when something isn’t going to work for you. It’s not your job to manage their reaction or even their opinion of your decision (or you, for that matter.)

Their reaction to your decision doesn’t determine your worth.

Living abundantly requires being authentically you.

You love others by recognizing and accepting their limitations and doing what you can to help them. When you love yourself with the same love and grace you show others’, it frees you up to be honest and genuine. Good friends will show you the same love too. There is no guarantee that everyone will like your decisions, but they will learn to respect you and your boundaries.

Your worth is not dependent on the approval of others.

God calls you worthy for being the person He created you to be.

You are already loved. You were created as loved and accepted. Your job now is to believe and receive God’s unconditional love.

Living under God’s abundant grace and mercy frees you up to say “yes” to the things that God has planned for you and the people in your life.

God’s grace gives us the freedom to live as our full, authentic selves.

Sometimes you will say ‘yes, and sometimes it will be a ‘no’. And it’s okay either way! Truth beats fear every single time. And there is always abundant grace.

It’s exhausting always trying to please everyone.

You know you are living a life of integrity when you choose to speak truth in love and free from feeling like you have to put on an act and hide who you are.

Schedule a 15-minute chat with me to discover how I can help you live an authentic, abundant life!

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Dr. Richelle Hoekstra-Anderson is an Abundant Life and Business Coach. Her coaching utilizes a variety of tools to help you gain clarity on how you are designed for significance. When you come to understand and appreciate your unique design, you create the mindset to help you meet current challenges and live an abundant life. Ultimately, you gain new insight and learn the skills needed to create a confident life of peace, balance, and joy.

Click here to learn more →

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